And again its been a few weeks since I was writing anything I felt like it doesn’t even make sense to do so because whos gonna read it but them doubts are gone and forgotten now , I’m working so hard on myself ,I change my ways so I don’t hold myself back anymore and trust me the road is bumpy but so worth it , I can see now where the problem is or id rather say what I’m making to be a problem while in reality is just my mind playing trick on me and triggering the old beliefs in everyday situations . lets go back to the story then,
From the place I’m now I can clearly see the patterns in my life which led me to the place I’m now , its not like I’m complaining ,no I just want you all to understand that our programs are running in the background and most likely we think that’s how it has to be and we cant change it , wrong we have the full potential to change anything in our life ,literally everything , we can aim higher and higher and achieve anything we dream of but I think its very important to start from watching your thoughts ,you need to acknowledge what programs is running to be able to change it
I don’t want to say it will happen overnight but it sure will happen if you take the time and effort to change it to something you love , in our society many people if not most of the humanity loves so called victim mindset ,it is safe and we know we are not only ones to feel this way so to some extent it is comforting ,ego as we call it make sure we don’t get hurt and it has a way to protect us but in reality we stop ourselves from the blessing which can come our way , we fear on unknown
we don’t want to try new things because what if something goes wrong way ,that’s ego telling us to stay in the known in our comfort zone ,many times in my life I wanted so much to change something and I could even imagine myself doing it ,yes I was visualizing myself doing all that and yet I did nothing , why is that ?
In the back of my head is that programm which is running and trying to save me from everything I fear ,and 9/10 times id listen to my fears or we can call it also safe zone ,its better to be safe than sorry ,who didn’t hear that sentence ? probably all of us did at one point .
But im here to tell you that your new wonderful life is at the other side of fear ,you must change how you think about the experiences and things and people as well.
How to do it ? its seems easy and trust me after some time its becoming your new programming but you might see opposite of what you think at the very beginning but don’t let that made you think that what you do doesn’t work , it does work but as everything in this world it needs time to grow strong and to become your own belief and assumption .
Let me give you one example of me going against my ego which was trying to save me from what I fear the most , one beautiful sunny day we went to the theme park and I love theme parks as long as I don’t have to ride on anything ,I can be there and enjoy myself just by eating candy and ice cream , every single ride excitites me but also scares me so much that the only thing I can do is sit and watch others having fun while im just wisihing it be something I could do .
At that day my brother and sister were there with me ,since we barely do things like that I thought to myself if they will go there ill go with them and ill have a ride beside them and I will enjoy it ,right mind you im scared to do it but I thought I will still do it , few minutes later my sister is like lets go and have a ride on this one , look how fun it it ,im like yeah but we have kids with us so we cant really do it ,we cant leave them alone ,here my safe side comes to play that much needed part of I will not do it its scary as hell and no just no. my sister told me that our sister in love will look after kids so we free to go , now im like really concerned whether I should run back home ,start crying from fear or welcome god since I know its gonna end bad for me , my sister didn’t take no for a answer and made it impossible for me to rejecect the ride by asking our brother to go along with us , standing by the ticket office I tried nearly everything I could to not make it happen
I said to her yeah its cool but can you imagine it would be even better at night with all the lights on and the atmosphere ? well obviously I wasn’t eager to do it at any time ,especially at night but I wanted to get my way and I was hoping they will agree to come at later time ,but to my dissatisfaction they didn’t even listen to what I was saying ,they were too excited for that ride and I knew my end is close ,at least at that time .
Finally with no courage whatsoever I got on the ride and I was just praying it will end so fast that ill not even feel like it ever happened , i was so impantient while waiting for it to start ,I knew I have to force myself to sit and don’t move until its finished but honestly they took ages and we been sitting and waiting for it to start,not happy me at all but oh well .
More and more people start joining the ride we are on and at once there is a group of 8 years olds who are coming to the same exact ride as we do ,im thinking right away what the hell they not scared ,being their age I wont even stand close to that ride let alone make it till the end,and it that moment I felt like a loser ,32 years old loser who was scared to live her life ,not taking risk at any cost and just hoping for good to come without being able to enjoy the moment ,it remind me so much of the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle , amazing book if you haven’t read it you defininately should
I was holding myself back all this time just to pprotect myself from things I was responsible for ,my thoughts create and I was creating things I was scared of later on and which were holding me back from living the best life I possibly could .if that doesn’t feel familiar to you don’t worry soon it will , as soon you will understand that everything we fear we have created we are free , we know that there are endless possibilities and the univers is open and giving , so fear nothing but yourself because you are the most powerful being ,and you are the one in charge of your reality ,.
Most people don’t really fully grasp what positive thinking means , for them thinking positive vary from oh it’s a beautiful flower or this rain is so soothing ,but they torture themselves in their head not even realising what they are doing , so please make sure you first start with yourself , as you grow everything else will follow , you need to know how amazing and one of a kind you are , natural state of us should ne happiness ,yet so many of us entertain thoughts of failure or disasters ,its not all our fault or maybe it actually is but we are simply not aware of what we projecting onto this world by thinking alone, watching news ,sad depressing songs , movies with not so happy endings ,reckless spending to feel worth being a human , we are happy beings and we are simply lost in the reality they are trying to sell us , everyday we are being bombarded with thousand of new informations and its hard to tell which one will imprint themselves in our subcounsius mind , you will sure notice which one did but at the very moment you watch something or listen to sad songs you start thinking of time you had felt not enough ,not worthy ,when someone broke you heart ,when you dudnt get the job you wanted and now maybe you don’t even want to try to apply for similar job in fear of rejection
I like to take different approach on this now , whether I had any bad memories associated with song or movie or basically anything ill listen to it or watch it and rewrite the story myself ,like the old one has never happened , trust me it works , maybe you will have to do it few times ,well for sure you will have to do it few times but believe me its so worth it . You changing the emotions in your brain and it can only help you evolve.
So it’s a new day and new adventures , I decided to type what feelings and emotions are going through me right now , its in some way difficult because I don’t really wanted to feel that way at any point of the day , but when I woke up I felt weird and I couldn’t shake it off I did my affirmations and told myself 100 times that im absolutely fine and to stay at peace and it did helped me a bit but not exactly as I would like to , its been few hours since I woke up and let me tell you ,I do feel much better than I did right after waking up but still its not what I want to feel , I keep affirming throught it only the positive things and I don’t let my doubts and insecurities run my day , as I said it is challenging work even for those who do it for long time already.
I know its temporary and it will be gone very soon ,but now im thinking about all those people who struggle with anxiety and stress every single day from when they get up until they go back to sleep and sometimes even in dream state they cant get away from it , it hurts me to think that we humans are going through it on daily basis thinking there is nothing we can do about It ,certainly there is a way to work through it but indeed you need to have your mental conversations on check , and sometimes it isn’t always the easiest to achieve , yet we all should at least try to find a remedy to calm ourselves in our daily run and focus on our mental and what we are thinking about, usually we think about the past events ,we focus so much on how things could go ,what we should have done and how to behave etc but that kind of thinking just keep us stuck in this cycle in which we don’t want to be anymore .
What is important to remember that we can’t change the past really, but we can change our memories of the past and instead of thinking of all the wrong we did back then, we can put the focus on the amazing memories and expect even better to come. I feel like there is really no need to dwell in the past events, especially if they bring us so unwanted stress and anxiety, sometimes we feel disgusted by our past selves and we often think, how could I be like this, but let me tell you, it will take you nowhere thinking in that category. you and only you know what you are going through and believe me ,people usually don’t remember the same events in the exact same way , so be assured that nobody is thinking about what have you said or how did u behaved ,unless there was hurt involved then yes maybe someone has some memory of that as we are resentful and we tend to remember that ,but mostly people are focus on the silly things which have nothing to do in the now and that’s so very wrong , we should enjoy our life and live in the way we feel is fulfilling to us and it doesn’t have to make any sense to other people ,if you think someone is judging you ,let it be that way ,don’t let anyone stop you from what you want only because they are sending you some mixed signals about the way they feel about you or the thing you choose to live for .
So listen up and I’m talking to myself here as well , you have to live the life you love ,which makes You happy and nobody but you has the responsibility to make yourself happy and content and know that everything you working towards is your higher self who wants you to achieve everything and more you ever dared to dream about , don’t settle no anything less , don’t settle for things which doesn’t make you happy ,it doesn’t mean that I tell you right now to quit your job and have no money ,because most likely with the mindset you are in where you stress about anything and everything that’s how you would end up , do what you have to do bubt be assured that there is much better on its way to you and you will achieve all the things you want , believe me , the sky is the limit ,one door close another door open and that’s how it really is , look back at the things which are so easy for you to achieve , now think how you get it done and probably you just know that it is yours or that it will be yours very soon and you just don’t let any other thought or idea slide into your mind , that’s how simple it is in real life regarding everything you want , the only obstacle is our mind , we think that probably we should be more humble and settle for what we have and don’t aim too high because if we fall we are going to feel more pain and hate towards ourselves.