Seize The Day β€οΈ

It has been truly wonderful day , sometimes you don’t expect such “small” things to make a difference, yet they do and I think it’s beautiful 😊

Here is a photo of me and my niece 😊

Sucha sweetheart πŸ’• πŸ’– β™₯️

How important it is to have a routine in our daily life?

Well I will be speaking mainly about the spiritual routine, as from experience I can tell that before it was nowhere to be found , and the road to understanding and change, seemed like impossibility .

Now however, I have a strong routine, which is followed by me every single day, and I already can see ,despite it being only 30 days , how life changing and eye opening it is.

When you learn , and do things for your own good day by day, you see how important it actually is for your own sake.

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I see many people calling themselves lazy or unmotivated etc but is it really that? I think, it’s not really the case .

The main problem with setting a routine for ourselves, whether it is daily life or spiritual or basically anything, is the fact that we have strong opposite beliefs regarding our ability and worthiness and deserving all what it can bring .

So I think what’s the most important at the beginning, is to start small , don’t put a lot on yourself , don’t judge yourself and do the best you can , and as many of you probably have read Four Agreements , you know that our best will vary at all times .

So take it slow and start today . Even if its something you might take as not such a life changing decision. That’s how you create the life , you want to live .

Peace and love x Honorata

Not that I care but …

Dating can be fun

Well if you have very low expectations or no expectations whatsoever is even funnier .

People think you a clown and take advantage of you

Everything changes however, when you start to respect yourself and don’t chase everyone who comes your way lol

Some people will even go as far as manipulating you into having Netflix and chill and of course making nothing of it . However the plan is well known and simple.

Get that meat , use it and abuse it and then of course play hard to get and ghost poor soul, who now think you have a connection. No you dont ! You just chosen to have sex with random dude in hope of romantic relationship, but that’s something you read in books, in real life nobody is that romantic. We all fucked up to some extent and don’t know how to deal with our own feelings so we play it tough and hurt everyone including ourselves.

Then we lie a bit and play games… ha ha ha

Yeah I might be a little bit bitter .

No i wasn’t hurt by anyone recently, it’s just an experience from the past.

I do shadow work so pardon me . Of course you might not agree with me .

Not that I care . I truly don’t give a fuck.

At the end of the day . We self centred and only focused on our own needs .

Yes yes that’s how we are most of the time. You can’t make me think otherwise. I’m one of you .

Honorata

Don’t speak

I had a very interesting conversation with my sister recently.

And what I will write below will give you an insight of what that conversation had in mind, or rather what i had in mind …because i have started it .

At first breath i felt somehow hurt but then i though, we do things we not aware might hurt others , we speak words we can’t take back . We often do and say from what we know best .

Sometimes that best is pretty low but i don’t want to judge a person , especially someone i know so close and someone I know would be hurt ten folds if I would be the one saying them things.

If you don’t have something good to say to someone, don’t say it. Treat all with courtesy and kindness.

I speak with my sister a lot about self love , how to respect your own self and appreciate everything you went through.

She know very well , at least now she knows for sure ,some of my insecurities. Yet she decided to laugh it off ,not thinking as per usual . Which sometimes makes me feel like it the reason id rather be alone than with anyone around me .

Going deeper, i feel like this is the exact reason why i prefer time alone . Since child ,there was always someone who would comment on something and make it not a big of a deal . Well it wasn’t anything big for me either, back then , or was i wrong? I was indeed very wrong … i would stop doing what i liked to do , not be around certain people because I knew they would pick on me , avoid certain situations .

I try my hardest to understand how it could take me so long to learn such simple lesson . All because of that one situation. Or rather because of me not letting it slip and not allowing this form of disrespect towards me . Even as a joke . Because you should not let anyone joke about things you insecure about, and im not learning to love myself just the way I’m, for someone else to come and destroy my self esteem in seconds .

Since that day i have came across so many articles and sentences in a book where it just bring it all back .

But I must say , im proud of how differently i handle things now .

Before i would try to ignore it and change the subject, just to stop the laughter . Now I speak up and say how i feel and why i think its not right.

I feel courageous. Yet there is still so many things to work on . When it comes to family, it is really fucked up.

I never thought i will have to cut ties . But if nobody cares and i have to make the effort? Is it worth it ? Is it worth the try if i see strangers being treated with more compassion than own family member?

I hope ill get some sleep tonight, it has been pretty challenging lately.

Love H .

Don’t unintentionally hand over your freedom

From today’s Daily Stoic

MARCH 8TH

If a person gave away your body to some passerby, you’d be furious. Yet you hand over your mind to anyone that comes along, so they may abuse you , leaving it disturbed and troubled- have you no shame in that .

Epictetus, Enchiridion, 28

It could not be more true than that , we do not allow our body to be taken away from us . Yet we have no problem to give away hrs of pointless thinking ,quite often overthinking about other people, giving them power over our mind.

Making different scenarios of how we could handle the situation. While when the time was right to do it , we had not much to say . Now all of the sudden we have a comeback and we relive the situation in our head by hrs , days and so on .

We can’t change the past ,that’s for certain. But we can and we should change the perspective from which we look at them events.

You can try to be perfect , but you never will achieve that . It is better to live as flawed individual who loves the flaws and who know its that what makes him who he is, than cry over the fact that perfection is not something we can’t achieve.

We are absolutely perfect in our not so perfect ways. Flaws makes us humans , we learn , love, live and give as much as we feel . Don’t blame yourself for things you did in the past , only because now you know better . Back then you did what you knew better at that time .

H.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius Part 2

Body , soul ,mind . To the body belong sense perceptions, to the soul impulses, to the mind judgements. The receipt of sense impressions is shared with wild beasts , with calamities, with a Phalaris or a Nero; having the mind as guide to what appears appropriate action is shared with those who do not believe in the gods, those who betray their country, those who get up to anything behind closed doors.

So if all else is held in common with the categories mentioned above, it follows that the defining characteristic of the good person is to love and embrace whatever happens to him along his thread of fate; and not to pollute the divinity which is seated within his breast, or trouble it with a welter of confused impressions, but to preserve its constant favour, in proper allegiance to god, saying only what is true, doing only what is just.

And I all people mistrust him ,for living a simple, decent ,and cheerful life, he has bo quarrel with any of them, and no diversion from the road which leads to the final goal of his life: to this he must come pure, at peace ,ready to depart, in unforced harmony with his fate.

Marcus Aurelius Meditations 3.16

Honorata.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Do you want the praise of a man who curses himself three times an hour ?

Do you want to please a man who can’t please himself?

Can a man please himself when he regrets almost everything he does ?

Marcus Aurelius. Meditations 8 .53

Honorata .

Not Feeling Worthy

I have noticed another pattern within myself, which makes my life harder .Why harder ? well I don’t allow myself to enjoy being treated by others , I always think that I should treat other people ,whether is by giving my attention , buying stuff and making sure they happy , but I don’t allow anyone to do the same for me ,even if they want to or actually do something , I feel like I should not accept it .

I came to the conclusion that it sure must come from the feeling of worthiness. Did I really needed to go through all of the things in my life , just to be 32 and notice that ? sure not , but here I am , broken into million pieces and thinking of the way I can change something , I thought I never had a problem with.

So many times I have been trying to reason my behaviour and explain myself ,whether to my family or friends , why I don’t like being treated by others or why I would not accept something .

It always came as I don’t want to use anyone ,yet id allow people to use me … I don’t want them to spend their hard worked money on me ,there are more important things than pleasing me .

Where in fact it all comes down to …. not feeling worthy of any of that I actually wanted , because lets be honest , who don’t want good tings in life .

I always felt that whatever I want will come but I have always conditioned that , saying things like , not from here , not from there etc . and who the heck am I to say where it will come from ?

I really had no idea what I was actually doing , and sure it also shows that we human beings are learning and evolving all the time , whether we believe it or not .

Many times we tell our self that we want this or that ,but are we really ready to accept it ? are we open to receive what we ask for ? let me tell you , I was not .

And as much as I hate the fact that it was me all along ,who was holding myself back , am also kind of relieved , because I will be more mindful of my thought pattern.

I have been in constant battle when it comes to my energy , as I felt that I’m more masculine than I would like to be. Not that it is something wrong but I felt like it doesn’t help me , because most of the times , for example in relationships , I was trying to be the one who lead , the one who will pay for everything ,treat the other person and give it all ,for what? then I was mad ,because I literally put myself into the position ,when I had to do everything by myself ,because my partners were used to ,me being the one who plans everything and make sure everyone is happy . ( everyone except me)

It is a really huge eye opening for me , even though I’m constantly learning and try to work on myself ,it amaze me how long it took me , to actually get to this conclusion and to understand that it is actually the feeling of not being worthy and not too much of the masculine energy . (or maybe its both?)

I hope you are all having a wonderful week x

Honorata Czestochowska
Honorata Czestochowska

You don’t look depressed

How often do we think that we KNOW how depression looks like? HOW OFTEN are we deceiving ourselves in thinking that it is not something we will experience? Or that we never experienced it ? How many times have you thought, its not a big deal, I need to stop being so emotional because someone might think I’m a freak ?

I don’t know about you , but i know that I have been rejecting even the idea of possibility for me to be even slightly depressed.

Depression should be visible! You are happy everyday! You smile ! You don’t make any drama ! What ? Depression? Nah stop that now ! It’s just a bad day . ..” how many times we hear that from someone or even we tell it to ourselves? I’m sure many more times than it is necessary.

I thought as well like many of the people I know , that I don’t even have a right to think, that at any point I could be depressed! ” because why?” You have no problems !how many of us heard it ? Sure millions! But no problem is too big or too small !

I have been checking my old photos , exactly from the last two years, also some videos , and maybe I wasn’t on some verge of depression. .. or maybe I actually was !

But let me tell you ,that what I have seen and heard ,was simply a cry for help , yet nobody heard me ! And somehow I shall say it passed ? How ? First I mediate daily and have my own daily routine which helps me a lot but just now I have come to the understanding that I did struggled a lot! But I was very good at hiding it. Nobody would ever say that I have any problems . Yet there was quite a few in that period of time.

So let’s just remember, Depression has many faces . On me I could see mainly smiling face with dead feeling inside . That’s probably why I hate looking back at the photos from the last two years….

We need to learn to feel and express ourselves more and more each day. I think that even now I’d benefit from going to the secluded place and just shout whatever I feel out loud. Let it leave my body, don’t let it weight me down .

I hope you all staying safe πŸ’“

Love and courage ❀

H.

Alone but not lonely πŸ’­

silhouette photo of man leaning on heart leaf shape tree during dawn
Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

Do you know that phrase ” If you are lonely when you alone ,you are in the bad company”? Do you like spending time all by yourself ? Or are you rather the opposite?

I’m the person, who loves her own company, I love to have time to think ,read ,listen to lectures and just to be all by myself. It brings me peace and calmness. I feel like im charging myself, every single time I’m by myself only .

But of course there are days ,when I want a friend by my side , its usually my sister ,we are very close and understand each other without words …who would think that my sister will be my best friend .. looking back at all the mean things we did to each other ,when we were just a kids , it’s amazing how everything is changing once we mature and grow up .

We start to see our siblings in a different way , more loving way , it doesn’t mean we didn’t love them before, but now we just not ashamed of that feeling.

I have 6 siblings , me as middle child , my mom had full hands with all of us for sure . But somehow, she managed to raise all of us , to become good human beings, I’m grateful for that, even though our life was not easy at times ,I’m still happy .

Today all I want ,is the happiness of the people surrounding me πŸ’«

I hope you have had an amazing weekend x stay safe and healthy πŸ’—

Honorata Czestochowska