Boundaries

There are people, who will try to come back into your life .

Those very same people, who left without word .

People who never thought you are worth explanation , apologies or simple I am not interested anymore.

All of those however, are basic things . Yet basic and strong enough to keep us bondage to behaviours which we should cut at the very first time .

People will try you , cross your line . And I already feel sorry for whoever is living a life without setting the boundaries.

No boundaries = no self love . You will agree to anything and never see a problem in disrespect. You will not be able to notice when someone tries to manipulate or gaslight you .

You are very easy target and because of that , so many of us will become a victim of someone , even when at first we will think of it in a quite opposite way .

I know however that , as we start to heal and learn to set boundaries, we take greater care of ourselves, we don’t agree with the concept of being a victim anymore and we don’t let anyone or anything slip and do whatever they want to do.

Yes we create our reality, and what we think is real is nothing but a dream, yet we live in this dream and its really up to us , whether we choose to live in heaven or hell .

Good night ๐ŸŒ™ โœจ๏ธ

Only because you thirsty , doesn’t mean you should drink the poison .

Hold tight or let go ?

Good morning everyone ๐Ÿ’ซ

Why it’s hard to let go of someone , is it because we love that person so much or maybe we fear the idea of being abandoned by them ?

After some long time , some of us will get to the point where you will feel like you were neglecting yourself, while chasing the love of someone else. Their love isn’t more important, their love isn’t better than what you can give yourself.

In fact you not allowing yourself to let go , makes it triple as strong and necessary as it actually is .

We do need love and we are love. We are not in position and we never should beg anyone for love . Who are we ,how much we don’t feel worth of being loved , to actually beg someone ,and be with someone who doesnโ€™t seem to bother about us at all.

One sided love is pain, then we hear people say that love is pain , while love isn’t pain , our choices are painful, because if we would truly work on and love ourselves, we won’t allow them situations to happen and we would choose someone who is choosing us .

Honorata

How to know if it’s love

Thinking back on my past relationships, I must say , there was no love involved.

It is harsh but true . I’m not going to lie to myself anymore . I was choosing my partners and also they have been choosing me ,because we have had something we could exchange .

No. It was not exchange of love whatsoever. But I have moved past it , understood the lesson . I don’t blame anyone. Not even myself because at that time , I did my best , truly my best .

I thought that’s what love is … Well maybe it was love to some extent but not the love I know now . Not the love I feel for myself.

It was always conditional, never given freely , always in expectation of something from both side of course.

We settle for less , because we don’t want to end up alone . Then we end up in a relationships where we feel lonely , not understood , thinking our partner must take the role of our parents , mind reader, our pleaser etc the list is long .

For me this isn’t love . I want you to thrive and be in love with yourself and your life . I don’t want to control you , stop you , blame you . I dont want toxic behaviour to be explained as jealousy.

Love is pure . Love is magical. And if you give love with no expectations but purely because you can share what you have and you are happy for someone to experience it with you ,without hidden agenda . Nobody can hurt you , you can afford to share because you are full of love .

Be love . Love yourself. Spread the love everywhere you go . Remember… it’s either LOVE or FEAR. What will you choose ?

True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does.

Torquato Tasso

True love 
Quote
Daily reminder
Motivated 
Motivation 
Mind

Honorata xoxo

I Don’t Relate To You

I find it hard to relate with others, not because I don’t want to … but because I see what they rather not see. I don’t judge them yet I can’t agree and lie to them anymore .

Everything I used to believe in … that is non existent anymore.

Life has changed so drastically. I feel like I am the same person yet different in the way of viewing life and experiences.

This is so confusing at times .

Honorata

Don’t speak

I had a very interesting conversation with my sister recently.

And what I will write below will give you an insight of what that conversation had in mind, or rather what i had in mind …because i have started it .

At first breath i felt somehow hurt but then i though, we do things we not aware might hurt others , we speak words we can’t take back . We often do and say from what we know best .

Sometimes that best is pretty low but i don’t want to judge a person , especially someone i know so close and someone I know would be hurt ten folds if I would be the one saying them things.

If you don’t have something good to say to someone, don’t say it. Treat all with courtesy and kindness.

I speak with my sister a lot about self love , how to respect your own self and appreciate everything you went through.

She know very well , at least now she knows for sure ,some of my insecurities. Yet she decided to laugh it off ,not thinking as per usual . Which sometimes makes me feel like it the reason id rather be alone than with anyone around me .

Going deeper, i feel like this is the exact reason why i prefer time alone . Since child ,there was always someone who would comment on something and make it not a big of a deal . Well it wasn’t anything big for me either, back then , or was i wrong? I was indeed very wrong … i would stop doing what i liked to do , not be around certain people because I knew they would pick on me , avoid certain situations .

I try my hardest to understand how it could take me so long to learn such simple lesson . All because of that one situation. Or rather because of me not letting it slip and not allowing this form of disrespect towards me . Even as a joke . Because you should not let anyone joke about things you insecure about, and im not learning to love myself just the way I’m, for someone else to come and destroy my self esteem in seconds .

Since that day i have came across so many articles and sentences in a book where it just bring it all back .

But I must say , im proud of how differently i handle things now .

Before i would try to ignore it and change the subject, just to stop the laughter . Now I speak up and say how i feel and why i think its not right.

I feel courageous. Yet there is still so many things to work on . When it comes to family, it is really fucked up.

I never thought i will have to cut ties . But if nobody cares and i have to make the effort? Is it worth it ? Is it worth the try if i see strangers being treated with more compassion than own family member?

I hope ill get some sleep tonight, it has been pretty challenging lately.

Love H .

Don’t unintentionally hand over your freedom

From today’s Daily Stoic

MARCH 8TH

If a person gave away your body to some passerby, you’d be furious. Yet you hand over your mind to anyone that comes along, so they may abuse you , leaving it disturbed and troubled- have you no shame in that .

Epictetus, Enchiridion, 28

It could not be more true than that , we do not allow our body to be taken away from us . Yet we have no problem to give away hrs of pointless thinking ,quite often overthinking about other people, giving them power over our mind.

Making different scenarios of how we could handle the situation. While when the time was right to do it , we had not much to say . Now all of the sudden we have a comeback and we relive the situation in our head by hrs , days and so on .

We can’t change the past ,that’s for certain. But we can and we should change the perspective from which we look at them events.

You can try to be perfect , but you never will achieve that . It is better to live as flawed individual who loves the flaws and who know its that what makes him who he is, than cry over the fact that perfection is not something we can’t achieve.

We are absolutely perfect in our not so perfect ways. Flaws makes us humans , we learn , love, live and give as much as we feel . Don’t blame yourself for things you did in the past , only because now you know better . Back then you did what you knew better at that time .

H.

Emphat 14:14

Lately I started to think , if going through spiritual journey is really a blessing or a curse in today’s world .

Don’t get me wrong . I feel that I had it much easier while I didn’t care , while I did not understand, when I could pity myself, be a victim etc etc.

However now , them things don’t come easy if they show up at all . Yes I get mad , I have some stupid arguments , mainly with myself or others in my head … but it doesnโ€™t stay long like it used to be .

You might think , what ? Is that bad ? Well , maybe it’s not bad , but surely it makes you not so relatable … and it hurts ,especially when you can hardly relate with the people you had some sort of connection in the past , family etc .

Before if someone did me wrong , I’d be moody ass B …. speak a lot of crap ,even if it meant to hurt someone deeply. Now I feel like them feelings , don’t arise at all . Most of the time Im like , okay I see , well I hope you well. And I don’t even hold grudges.

I feel sorry for the person who “hurt me ” well is it because i finally understand that nobody can really hurt me ? Only the way I perceived things were hurting me ? I really hope it’s that .

Such a long way to go , so many things to understand, the more you try to understand, the less you feel like a human . The ego is not as loud which is beautiful but also scary .

At times the way I feel makes me wonder if I’m not too naive, yet I also see that my intuition is stronger than ever . I can sense someone’s intentions without any problems now , i make clear boundaries and speak what’s on my mind , that is something I struggled with in the past .

I know my worth , what I bring to the table and I’m definitely not afraid of eating alone . I don’t feel like I need to chase anything anymore. Material possession never impressed me even in the past , but now the only thing which makes me passionate and excited is the other open human being , open and healing , someone i can exchange experiences. And nothing else matter .

Superficial relationships .That’s something I don’t want to be close to . Not my cup of tea.

If you ever wondered,ย  if it’s worth like i do . Well i don’t have one answer because it’s hard at times , but it teaches you different values and hope to heal your soul.

Love H

I’m done with this

Sike ,! Whenever I feel bad I spiral … why but why can’t I get it Into my head ! Once and for all that circumstances don’t matter ! That I’m not the victim of them ! I created this shit and so I can create better ! Duh . We humans are making things so complicated.

I know it all ,I understand it ! Yet sometime I want feel like I pity myself! What ?! Can’t believe I actually say it out loud .

That’s definitely not my style , not me ! I don’t want others to pity me and so why I do it to myself.

One good thing has happened though. I starred to clearing out obstacles in the human form , I mean blocking , removing and stop having conversations with people who don’t care , don’t bring much into my life or just are on stand by , as maybe ill need them one day ! No ! Old /past is gone and new is being built up!

Sometimes all it takes is a decision… quite often we know it and that’s the reason we decide not to make the decisions which will change our life .

Hope you all well and safe ๐Ÿ™ โค

To Dissappear or Not

It’s this time again where I feel like disappearing is the only option.

It’s amazing how your body and soul show you exactly what it is that it needs .

I probably should start listen to it with more awareness.

I have few days off from work now and maybe it’s time to stay out of everything and just focus on myself.

There is not long until I’ll go on some exciting adventures and I think ,the best I can do now , is to read , think, meditate and try to see what changes are ahead of me .

Love H .