Lesson 2 A.C.I.M Workbook

I have given everything I see in this room[on this street, from this window, in this place]all the meaning that it has for me.

  1. The exercise with this idea are the same as those for the first one. Begin with the things that are near you, and apply the idea to whatever you glance rest on. Then increase the range outward. Turn your head so that you include whatever is on either side. If possible, turn around and apply the idea to what was behind you. Remain as indiscriminate as possible in selecting subjects for its application, do not concentrate on anything in particular, and do not attempt to include everything you see in a given area, or you will introduce strain.
  2. Merely glance easily and fairly quickly around you, trying to avoid selection by size, brightness, colour, material, or relative importance to you. Take the subjects simply as you see them, Try to apply the exercise with equal ease to a body or a button, a fly or a floor, an arm or an apple. The sole criterion for applying the idea to anything is merely that your eyes have lighted on it. Make no attempt to include anything in particular, but be sure that nothing is specifically excluded.

Healing

Welcome back dear fellow bloggers and anyone who will come across this post.

It has been truly a long and bumpy ride , I have taken myself on , but with true honesty it has been the best thing that could have ever happen to me .

As I have mentioned in the last post , I have found my person … I am still quite shocked how in a such a short period , you can become so close to another human being , how everything can change literally overnight, but more about this maybe another time as today I have something else id love to write about and hopefully ,gain some more insight of what you think and how you see the stuff which I am going to elaborate on in this post .

So lets start from the beginning

I have been in few relationships myself , I cant tell that they were bad , they certainly were in my life for a reason , sometimes them reasons don’t seem too obvious for us and usually it is because , we don’t see ourselves exactly as we are . Quite often we are portraying ourselves as someone we want to be , however yet we are not .

Not to say it is right or wrong , obviously it is a matter of discussion and/or opinion ,which we all tend to have and which of course will differ ,depending on our life experience and how much we are allowing to heal our mind, body and soul , but let me introduce you to the ways I seen relationships as . Yes ways , because just two months ago I have had a completely different outlook on what being in a relationship is to what I think I feel now .

First comes the child , you know , the one who throw a tantrum every single time something doesn’t go its way ? yeah it was me , in the past ,why was that happening ? why was I so triggered by simple things , and by simple I really mean basics , for example when someone would not reply to me in the rightly manner (right only for me of course ) I would go mad , trust me , pure madness and I cant even blame this child (myself) for doing so , because I truly was acting out my childhood trauma , I wanted to feel heard and seen and all of that what child needs from their parents , yet how often it wasn’t reciprocated in my case. Of course I see where I went south and hurt not once but hundred of times someone I genuinely cared for , but the instinct of survival and proving myself that I am worth the time ,was so strong and clearly at the begging I haven’t seen it as an issue , if I have to be totally honest .

Some or rather all of my behaviours were very automatic , I knew I’m going insane ,in literal way but I thought it is normal way to express yourself and to simply get the things you want , while in all honesty it never worked quiet well for me , I would rather feel even more abandoned and lost than before but I never understood why it is happening.

Now comes the question , How important it is to heal your inner child before entering relationship?

The answer will not be linear ,just like the healing is not but I believe it is of huge importance , healing has completely changed the way i look at the relationship I have now and on the ones from the past .

Of course as you start the healing , you realise why you have been choosing people who would trigger you and offer you less than bare minimum as it is all rotted deep inside of us ,and sooner or later everyone will choose to heal ,so they can fully accept who they are and what they want from life .

So often we think love hurts , so we choose the hurtful experiences and partners who don’t seem to meet any of our needs , we try to give a lot in hope that we will be wanted , where in fact this behaviour has quite the opposite effect…

How often did you over give to someone who should get nothing out of you ?

How often did you blamed yourself for not being worthy of the love and affection of someone , who seemed like the love of your life ?

I believe we tend to delude ourselves with thinking , that we can change someone , where in fact the only person you should focus on changing is yourself , so you know and remember who you truly are , so you don’t settle for less than you deserve , so you don’t chase unfulfilling relationships, so you don’t get into relationship because you feel lonely .

Knowing who you truly are is a blessing and thankfully more people start to realise the importance of self love and self care , I dream of a world where people are as loving ,true and honest ,and stop putting the appearances of someone they are not …

To be continued ….

Honorata