I do not understand anything I see in this room[on this street, from this window, in this place].
Apply this idea in the same way as the previous ones, without making distinctions of any kind. Whatever you see becomes a proper subject for applying the idea. Be sure that you do not question the suitability of anything for application of the idea. These are not exercises in judgement. Anything is suitable if you see it. Some of the things you see may have emotionally charged meaning for you. Try to lay such feeling aside, and merely use these things exactly as you would anything else.
The point of this exercise is to help you clear your mind of all past associations, to see things exactly as they appear to you now, and realise how little you really understand about them. It is therefore essential that you keep a perfectly open mind, unhampered by judgement, in selecting the things to which the idea for the day is to be applied. For this purpose one thing is like another; equally suitable and therefore equally useful.
Welcome back dear fellow bloggers and anyone who will come across this post.
It has been truly a long and bumpy ride , I have taken myself on , but with true honesty it has been the best thing that could have ever happen to me .
As I have mentioned in the last post , I have found my person … I am still quite shocked how in a such a short period , you can become so close to another human being , how everything can change literally overnight, but more about this maybe another time as today I have something else id love to write about and hopefully ,gain some more insight of what you think and how you see the stuff which I am going to elaborate on in this post .
So lets start from the beginning
I have been in few relationships myself , I cant tell that they were bad , they certainly were in my life for a reason , sometimes them reasons don’t seem too obvious for us and usually it is because , we don’t see ourselves exactly as we are . Quite often we are portraying ourselves as someone we want to be , however yet we are not .
Not to say it is right or wrong , obviously it is a matter of discussion and/or opinion ,which we all tend to have and which of course will differ ,depending on our life experience and how much we are allowing to heal our mind, body and soul , but let me introduce you to the ways I seen relationships as . Yes ways , because just two months ago I have had a completely different outlook on what being in a relationship is to what I think I feel now .
First comes the child , you know , the one who throw a tantrum every single time something doesn’t go its way ? yeah it was me , in the past ,why was that happening ? why was I so triggered by simple things , and by simple I really mean basics , for example when someone would not reply to me in the rightly manner (right only for me of course ) I would go mad , trust me , pure madness and I cant even blame this child (myself) for doing so , because I truly was acting out my childhood trauma , I wanted to feel heard and seen and all of that what child needs from their parents , yet how often it wasn’t reciprocated in my case. Of course I see where I went south and hurt not once but hundred of times someone I genuinely cared for , but the instinct of survival and proving myself that I am worth the time ,was so strong and clearly at the begging I haven’t seen it as an issue , if I have to be totally honest .
Some or rather all of my behaviours were very automatic , I knew I’m going insane ,in literal way but I thought it is normal way to express yourself and to simply get the things you want , while in all honesty it never worked quiet well for me , I would rather feel even more abandoned and lost than before but I never understood why it is happening.
Now comes the question , How important it is to heal your inner child before entering relationship?
The answer will not be linear ,just like the healing is not but I believe it is of huge importance , healing has completely changed the way i look at the relationship I have now and on the ones from the past .
Of course as you start the healing , you realise why you have been choosing people who would trigger you and offer you less than bare minimum as it is all rotted deep inside of us ,and sooner or later everyone will choose to heal ,so they can fully accept who they are and what they want from life .
So often we think love hurts , so we choose the hurtful experiences and partners who don’t seem to meet any of our needs , we try to give a lot in hope that we will be wanted , where in fact this behaviour has quite the opposite effect…
How often did you over give to someone who should get nothing out of you ?
How often did you blamed yourself for not being worthy of the love and affection of someone , who seemed like the love of your life ?
I believe we tend to delude ourselves with thinking , that we can change someone , where in fact the only person you should focus on changing is yourself , so you know and remember who you truly are , so you don’t settle for less than you deserve , so you don’t chase unfulfilling relationships, so you don’t get into relationship because you feel lonely .
Knowing who you truly are is a blessing and thankfully more people start to realise the importance of self love and self care , I dream of a world where people are as loving ,true and honest ,and stop putting the appearances of someone they are not …
There are people, who will try to come back into your life .
Those very same people, who left without word .
People who never thought you are worth explanation , apologies or simple I am not interested anymore.
All of those however, are basic things . Yet basic and strong enough to keep us bondage to behaviours which we should cut at the very first time .
People will try you , cross your line . And I already feel sorry for whoever is living a life without setting the boundaries.
No boundaries = no self love . You will agree to anything and never see a problem in disrespect. You will not be able to notice when someone tries to manipulate or gaslight you .
You are very easy target and because of that , so many of us will become a victim of someone , even when at first we will think of it in a quite opposite way .
I know however that , as we start to heal and learn to set boundaries, we take greater care of ourselves, we don’t agree with the concept of being a victim anymore and we don’t let anyone or anything slip and do whatever they want to do.
Yes we create our reality, and what we think is real is nothing but a dream, yet we live in this dream and its really up to us , whether we choose to live in heaven or hell .
Good night 🌙 ✨️
Only because you thirsty , doesn’t mean you should drink the poison .
Why it’s hard to let go of someone , is it because we love that person so much or maybe we fear the idea of being abandoned by them ?
After some long time , some of us will get to the point where you will feel like you were neglecting yourself, while chasing the love of someone else. Their love isn’t more important, their love isn’t better than what you can give yourself.
In fact you not allowing yourself to let go , makes it triple as strong and necessary as it actually is .
We do need love and we are love. We are not in position and we never should beg anyone for love . Who are we ,how much we don’t feel worth of being loved , to actually beg someone ,and be with someone who doesn’t seem to bother about us at all.
One sided love is pain, then we hear people say that love is pain , while love isn’t pain , our choices are painful, because if we would truly work on and love ourselves, we won’t allow them situations to happen and we would choose someone who is choosing us .
Thinking back on my past relationships, I must say , there was no love involved.
It is harsh but true . I’m not going to lie to myself anymore . I was choosing my partners and also they have been choosing me ,because we have had something we could exchange .
No. It was not exchange of love whatsoever. But I have moved past it , understood the lesson . I don’t blame anyone. Not even myself because at that time , I did my best , truly my best .
I thought that’s what love is … Well maybe it was love to some extent but not the love I know now . Not the love I feel for myself.
It was always conditional, never given freely , always in expectation of something from both side of course.
We settle for less , because we don’t want to end up alone . Then we end up in a relationships where we feel lonely , not understood , thinking our partner must take the role of our parents , mind reader, our pleaser etc the list is long .
For me this isn’t love . I want you to thrive and be in love with yourself and your life . I don’t want to control you , stop you , blame you . I dont want toxic behaviour to be explained as jealousy.
Love is pure . Love is magical. And if you give love with no expectations but purely because you can share what you have and you are happy for someone to experience it with you ,without hidden agenda . Nobody can hurt you , you can afford to share because you are full of love .
Be love . Love yourself. Spread the love everywhere you go . Remember… it’s either LOVE or FEAR. What will you choose ?
True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does.