There are people, who will try to come back into your life .
Those very same people, who left without word .
People who never thought you are worth explanation , apologies or simple I am not interested anymore.
All of those however, are basic things . Yet basic and strong enough to keep us bondage to behaviours which we should cut at the very first time .
People will try you , cross your line . And I already feel sorry for whoever is living a life without setting the boundaries.
No boundaries = no self love . You will agree to anything and never see a problem in disrespect. You will not be able to notice when someone tries to manipulate or gaslight you .
You are very easy target and because of that , so many of us will become a victim of someone , even when at first we will think of it in a quite opposite way .
I know however that , as we start to heal and learn to set boundaries, we take greater care of ourselves, we don’t agree with the concept of being a victim anymore and we don’t let anyone or anything slip and do whatever they want to do.
Yes we create our reality, and what we think is real is nothing but a dream, yet we live in this dream and its really up to us , whether we choose to live in heaven or hell .
Good night 🌙 ✨️
Only because you thirsty , doesn’t mean you should drink the poison .
I have finished writing my book and as soon as that has happened, I realised that this book is just short cut of the story . I tried to hide most of the things and basically make it seem like it was all good and there is actually nothing wrong with what has happened etc .
There was so many eye opening things, and the fact that I was trying to hide it , is even worse . I don’t plan to publish this version as it’s definitely not the story I’d like people to see. I want it to be raw and real , and exactly as it was , the the stuff that has happened and the issues, childhood trauma etc .
The book will be posted under pen name, i dont want to make anyone’s life hard whatsoever. I just want to put it out there without filter.
For others to know , they not alone . That society is what it is . For others to realise that everyone can heal as long as there is a will to do it. That life is not happening against us . It teaches us everyday, and it is up from us, whether we will learn the lesson on the first time or maybe we will have to go through the same stuff 20 times during our life .
Today I was hoping to get a good rest before my last night shift ,unfortunately more drama came out from work. Not necessarily something I like , I’d say i even hate the fact that people thrive of drama and of other people feeling bad.
I have decided that I’ll be honest and so I went on with future steps to make sure , some people get what they deserve.
I’m last to complain on anyone , last to make any statements which could hurt someone , but I really am over , hearing from everyone around, how someone is talking behind my back and I just do nothing. I have done what I should and let’s say that tables have turned.
At least Im not a liar and I speak facts . Not BS.
How many times have you been doubtful about you ability to accomplish what you have always dreamt of . Stop right now . It’s time to move forward and trust in the unknown.
The unknown is scary for all of us . We want to know it all ,at all times . But if we don’t let the unknown do the job ,then how our dreams will come true ? . Sometimes we don’t even know how the thing we want can come to us . So just know and trust . Because there are ways ,you have never dreamt of . Let the opportunities come to you , be open to receive them at any time . Don’t think that only because it didn’t come in instant, it’s not working. Magic happens all around us and we are often blinded by the reality of our past manifestations. Give it time , give yourself time , be patient and just trust 🙏
Hope you will have a wonderful weekend 💕
Stay safe and healthy 💫
Trust the process and never give up on yourself 💕💫
” We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions,we also numb the positive emotions.” Brené Brown.
“Nature has placed mankind under the governance of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure.” Jeremy Bentham .
“The mind is like an iceberg. It floats with one seventh of its bulk above water. “Sigmund Freud .
Location– Lower back , abdomen , genitals
Name and meaning – Svadhisthana, one’s own place
Purpose- fluidity, movement, pleasure, feeling
Element – water
Principle – Polarity
Development age– 6 months to 2 years
Identity- Emotional Identity
Orientation- self- gratification
Right– to feel
Balanced Form- Fluid, graceful, satisfied
• Make a list of all the things you feel guilty about.
• Notice when they come up during the day and what happens as a result.
• Notice what happens when guilt takes over . How present are you with what you are doing ? How connected are you to others?
• What do you really want ? What do you really need ?
• Lie on your back on a firm surface, like a floor or rug. Bend both your knees ,placing your feet hip- width apart within 30 cm ( 1foot) of your buttocks.
• With a rapid push and release motion, push your feet into the ground and release them, allowing this movement to rock your pelvis back and forth. Allow the rocking to be effortless, using only the muscles of your legs to rock the pelvis. Make sure your belly muscles are completely relaxed and you are only pushing with the legs.
• Notice how this relaxes stiffness in the lower back.
I hope you will enjoy the read x stay safe and warm ❤
I fast jump in and we off to the city we spend the night before , he take me to this lovely restaurant ,newly open restaurant and definitely out oof my pocket restaurant , again someone blown my mind ,I would not be able to eat here as I wasn’t willing to pay 10x more for basic food I can get elsewhere ,but since he invited me I didn’t wanted to sound like ungrateful person and I just told him I like the place and it seem like they will have a good things to choose from . we have ordered and now our food came, it was indeed delicious, they took care of all details, now I understand why they charge ten times more.
After we finished, he asked what else I would like to do, in my head I wanted to sleep only but I told him what he has on his mine.
-I was thinking that we could go to my place and watch something with some nice glass of wine -he said
Omg wine was the last thing I was thinking about, I was still hungover from last night
-I do not mind some movie, but wine will not be best idea after last night -I said
-ha ha ha I can understand that -he said
-thank you, so are we going to go now? – I was trying to hurry things up so I can get home and sleep
-yes of course, let us go he replied
We got into his car and went to his place, I already been there before, so it felt okay.
When we arrived, he asked how I feel?
-not too bad considering last night -I said
-yeah, we had a fun time, I love how open you are
Red light in my head at once, how open am I.? what does that mean
-what do you mean am open? -I asked
-oh, I did not mean anything bad -he said
-yeah, but what u mean when u say I am open -I asked again
-I mean that you are free, you do not care, you are happy and enjoying the moment -he told me
His answer did not satisfy me, and I started to be cautious with him, I did not want him to think that he can do what he want because I am open minded, I was there with M and for sure it is not happening again.
We went into his living room and he offered me a drink ,made some snacks and he started to look for the movie we can watch ,all normal as he said just movie ,I started to feel bad to think that he might want to use me but still I thought is better to have guard up just in case if he tries anything ,at the end he is the married one.
I wasn’t far from my assumptions, he clearly wasn’t a saint …
-you can cuddle me if you want- he said
That wasn’t on my mind at all
-I’m alright -I smiled to him and didn’t move one bit
-you don’t have to worry ill not force you to do it -he told me
– I’m not worried, I just don’t think we should be doing that, you are married, and I don’t need more trouble in my life -I replied
-Listen you would never experience trouble with me, with me everything is safe -he told me
I didn’t want to go further with this conversation
-I think it would be the best if I go now -I told him
– why? – have I said something? – he asked – you don’t have to worry I will not put any pressure on you, I like you and I don’t want to stop seeing you, that doesn’t mean I expect anything more than what we had. -he told me
– I just thought it’s not right, you have a wife, yet we are sitting here and do what -I said
-do what? -he asked – we are about to start watching a movie – what’s wrong with that? -he replied
– you know what I mean-I said
-no not really, do you think I do it to make you sleep with me? -he asked
I wasn’t sure if I should be honest or not and before I could think I said
-yeah, I think sooner or later it would happen – I replied and looked away
-then since we both know it will, why wait? -he asked me
That took me by surprise, wow I thought wow he has some guts to be this straightforward, I looked at him and spoke
-no, it will not happen, I’m not into taken guys, we can be friends and that’s all – I stand up from the couch, grab my bag and then I feel he is grabbing my hand and pulling me close to him
-what the hell are you doing -I tried to say but it was too late
His lips were touching mine, he didn’t close his eyes, he was just looking into mine and I felt hypnotized by it.
-stop doing that I said – he seems not to hear my words, he just closed his eyes and started to kiss me passionately, he gently touches my face and tell me not to fight this feeling
In my head is only one scenario -what is he talking about, what did I put myself into, but before I was able to move or say anything, he was already kissing my neck
-please stop, I don’t want it, we can’t -I said
-you know you want me, I wanted you since I laid my eyes on you the very first time -he said
-you remember the first time you came here with M? since that time I was thinking about you – he said
I don’t know why but as soon he mentioned M some idea came into my mind …I thought this is a sign of how am going to pay M back for all what he did to me.
I let it flow, we have been very passionate with each other, he was gently kissing my neck and moved his hand on my from hand to my hand, his strong hand gave me goosebumps and I felt like I will not be able to resist anymore.
I stopped kissing him and looked at him in the way he knew I want more, I did hesitate at the start, but I knew its going to be the best decision I have ever made, all sudden I have forgot that he has a wife and I let him get even closer.
His hands were on me and while he was touching my tights, I started to touch his chest, I slowly open the first button of his blue shirt and put my tongue on his chest, I wanted to taste him, and he seemed to enjoy what I did.
He looked at me and hold me tight and ask if we should move to more comfortable place, I agreed and then as I was sitting on his lap he stand up and start walking with me to his bedroom ,we didn’t even stop kissing while he was walking, I didn’t think about anything but of how good I feel right now.
-I love how you make me feel -he said- world seems to stop when I’m with you
-yes, I feel the same with you-I replied -even thought I knew it wasn’t fully true, I wanted to do it for one reason to show M that he can’t play with me.
We started to make ourselves good on his bed , I told him to lay down and then I began to kiss him starting from his lips and slowly moving down to his neck ,he loved to see me so passionate for him and he keep telling me how much he want me , I put my finger on his lips and that was a sign for him just to stop talking and to enjoy the moment .
When I reached his chest ,he still had his shirt on so I started to open it one by one ,each time kissing his chest ,when I finally opened his shirt I licked his chest and when I reached at the top he grabbed my face and gave a me a long passionate kiss at the same time he was touching my breasts and trying to remove my dress from me, we both wanted the same and we did not care what might happen later ,we were just so into it that we forgot about the whole world .
Waking up in the morning, I was confused as what has happened last night, but I looked at him, he was still asleep and I knew it was not a mistake, we both loved it and it was all that matters.
I kissed him to wake him up and he gave me a huge smile back, when he opens his eyes, he asks me if I’m hungry
-I really don’t even have time to eat, I’m already late for work -I said
-oh crap, lets dress up and I will drop you off to work – but honestly id prefer to stay in bed with you-he told me
-I know I would be better off staying here, but I really don’t have a choice ha-ha -I replied
-give me a kiss and let’s get ready – he said
-oh, I would like more but ill have to do with the kiss
-you can have anything you want after work-he told me
We started to dress up and as soon as we were done, we walked out of his apartment.
He drove me to my work, and he were talking all the way
-do you know that you are perfect in every way -he asked me
– yeah, I hear that often -I replied -started laughing and blushing
-give me your hand -he said – now you are mine -his eyes were focused on me, since we stopped at the lights, we had few second to kiss and so we did
-what do you mean I’m yours? – I asked curious
I don’t know what I was expecting to hear, after I asked this question, I had some weird feeling inside as I would started to have some attachment to him, that’s not what I wanted, the plan was to pay back M, not to really like this guy or feel the need to see him. I felt like I put myself into this trap.