Painful truth

As i have mentioned in my previous post … triggers came back and well oh well … I was shown, how fucked up I still am .

But am I sad about it ? Not really(ugly crying) , I’m actually grateful (to some extent )because I know exactly, what I need to work on .

It’s all fun and games until you are hit with the reality. And then you see ,you still have an issue with your own damn self .

In order to work on it I’ll take further steps , like hypnotherapy, meditation and off from all form of socials , apart from here , because this is my safe place .

Let’s see how much I can change in a month. I know it will hurt like a MF. I already feel like crying but ill not give up . Never did , never will . I do it for myself. And myself only.



You need to learn how to be your own hype man ! (Or woman in my case)

Of course it does not mean people will not cheer you up or not help you achieve some sort of good results , but if you own it and know that no matter what ,you have YOU ! YOU WON !

Way too often , we look on sides ( left and right ) to see if what we do , will be approved by others . The fact that we do what we love , doesn’t even come as close to be important as the opinion of someone else, where it should really be more about ,what we want to do, it’s our life and we should live it in the way we want .

It’s unfortunate that whether it is home related, parenting, relationship etc we try to seek some sort of approval from others .

We don’t need nobody’s approval to live our life . Quite often people will tell you to dim your light, just to fit in ,and for me thats definitely not the purpose of my life .

I have made so many “mistakes” in the past and to be honest , I should have hide and never speak again , believe me ,some of them mistakes try to hunt me , but thankfully I’m more aware than ever and I don’t let that slide into my mind for longer than a minute.

Last night was pretty challenging in that case , because it was like some sort of thunder in my head , where all bad memories were coming at me like crazy , and at first I thought ” what the hell is going on ” but quickly I recognised that I have triggered myself by affirmations.

Building new self concept ain’t easy ,let me be honest with you. You tell yourself I AM WORTHY OF LOVE and then memories from the past failed relationships comes in and be like ,oh you are not and its just going down like crazy , your mind brings back every single wrong thing you have done and try to keep you in that “comfort” .

I don’t want that comfort anymore . I’m building new ME and no matter how hard my mind will try to make me think of those past events , I know that eventually it will give up .

I’m behind the wheel now and I will not let myself get off track. Especially after last night, it was truly therapeutic and traumatic. I was constantly affirming, getting glimpse of past and then changing the narrative and explaining to myself, that no matter what it was , I was learning, experiencing and getting to know who am I. So at the end it was worth it .

Never give up on yourself. Seek within and you will get all the answers you need to move beyond limitations. โœจ


How to Free yourself.

It was a joy , not just a pleasure to again feel the warmth of someone else close to me .

Gentle kisses mixed with warm and loving hugs and not a single worry in my mind .

For so long hesitant to be open ,yet now I know it was all I needed .

Just once again to feel like im not broken , that I can be loving and passionate.

And it doesn’t matter if I give too much anymore, I know more will come back to me .

Gladly i know that everything is possible and I’m willing to wait , I was patiently waiting for so long , now the time is filled with beautiful memories once again .

There is no growth without a pain and the only thing we should remember, is to not regret a thing . I’m happy for all of my experiences, they have shaped the person I’m today .

So much love โค

Whole and complete


A year ago

How much a person can change in a year!!

It’s truly have been a wild ride ,the whole 2021 but I am beyond grateful ๐Ÿ™ never would think i will be where I am mentally now . Sometimes we think we have been “fine ” all those years , just to look back and see the changes. Never underestimate small things . They are all we need to become the best version of yourself. ( I am work in progress but I love who I am and I’m not ashamed of myself one bit )
Don’t be a victim of circumstances, they do not matter . YOU MATTER ! plus whatever has happened, you created that shit , so take responsibility and change what you think.

Take small steps and look how your life will change . ยป Blursy Freestyle Writing


Tired but ….

Photo by Magda Ehlers on

I was supposed to do so many things today …

I have done none of what I have planned . Well not exactly, I was writing but didn’t have any drive nor idea what am I doing…. i cooked, cleaned my house ,read a book ,I will also meditate after I post this ,so maybe I did something. ? I don’t know why we have this tendency to belittle ourselves… sometimes it feels like ,no matter how much I do during the day ,it feels like nothing .

I have also put my Christmas tree up ,my son asked me to do so after school and I just went with it. All I want is to see him happy .

Since last Sunday I’m sick and somehow I can’t get over this , it drives me crazy now , it just takes too long and all I want is to feel good …

I have also notice that I’m so withdrawn from life! Love spending time alone way too much and I’m really starting to think is not that healthy.

I just had to vent for a bit. I feel like a lot of things is shifting and I’m kind of preparing for it mentally and physically… even though I’m not sure what is it ,I know is something positive and amazing .


Believe in Magic ๐Ÿ’ซ๐Ÿ’•

How many times have you been doubtful about you ability to accomplish what you have always dreamt of . Stop right now . It’s time to move forward and trust in the unknown.

The unknown is scary for all of us . We want to know it all ,at all times . But if we don’t let the unknown do the job ,then how our dreams will come true ? . Sometimes we don’t even know how the thing we want can come to us . So just know and trust . Because there are ways ,you have never dreamt of . Let the opportunities come to you , be open to receive them at any time . Don’t think that only because it didn’t come in instant, it’s not working. Magic happens all around us and we are often blinded by the reality of our past manifestations. Give it time , give yourself time , be patient and just trust ๐Ÿ™

Hope you will have a wonderful weekend ๐Ÿ’•

Stay safe and healthy ๐Ÿ’ซ

Honorata Czestochowska

Trust the process and never give up on yourself ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ซ


If i could make a choice to go back in time . Just now with the knowing who will i meet , i wouldn’t change a thing. I loved , laughed, made love and trusted. Some people showed me heaven, others showed me hell but regardless of that , i won’t change a thing .

It has made me the person IM today, and the only thing in my heart now is love towards all of the people who helped me along the way ,and I mean every single person, even the one that have hurt me to the bone ,you didn’t know any better and I didn’t know either.

It’s time to be set free and let go of the grudges and bad feelings , if we want to be born again ,we have to let the old self die .

Honorata Czestochowska

The Principle of Rhythm – The Kybalion

“Everything flows ,out and in ; Everything has its tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum -swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensate.”

This principle embodies the truth that in Everything there is manifested a measured motion, to and fro; a flow and in-flow; a swing backward and forward; pendulum-like movement;a tide-like ebb and flow; a high- tide and low- tide;between the two poles which exist in accordance with the Principle of Polarity . There is always an action and a reaction; an advanced and retreat; a rising and a sinking. This is in the affairs of the Univers, sun, worlds , men, animals, mind , energy, and matter. This law is manifest in the creation and destruction of worlds; in the rise and fallof nations ;in the life of all things ; and finally in the mental states of Man(and it is with this latter that the Hermetists find the understanding of the Principle most important). The Hermetists have grasped this Principle, finding its universal application,and have also discovered certain means to overcome its effect in themselves by the use of the appropriate formulas and methods. They apply the Mental Law of Neutralization. They cannot annul the Principle, or cause it to cease its operation,but they have learned how to escape its effect upon themselves to a certain degree depending upon the Mastery of the Principle. They have learned how to use it,instead of being used by it. In this and similar methods, consist the AR if Hermetists. The Master of Hermetics polarizes himself at the point at which he desire to rest,and then neutralizes the Rhythmic swing of the pendulum which would tend to carry him to the other pole. All individuals who have attained any degree of self- Mastery do this to certain degree, more or less unconsciously, but the master does this consciously, and by the use of his will,and attains a degree of Poise and Mental Firmness almost impossible of belief on the part of masses who are swung backward and forward like a pendulum. This Principle and that of Polarity have been closely studied by the Hermetists;and the methods of counteracting, neutralizing, and Using them form an important part of the Hermetic Mental Alchemy.

From The Book

Kybalion Hermetic Philosophy- Three Initiates .

Am I God ?

It is truly amazing how our mind works . We are easily able to “predict” aka manifest the things we don’t want ,but when it comes to our deepest desires , we lack faith and think it’s too good to be true . There is no difference if you want bad or good , poor or rich , ill or healthy ,as long as you assume yourself to be one or another ,thats what you are becoming.

God ,consciousness, is within us. We should practice trusting God ,who is your consciousness ,there is nothing outside of us to look for . You have all the answers . You can be anything you desire to be, but you have to look within and claim it . You don’t need to beg God to bring you good and richness and health. By affirming I am healthy, that’s what you are, and the same comes with affirming for other things ,you must claim ,that what you want is already yours .

Many will not understand, more yet ,will think is inappropriate to claim yourself to be a God ,yet thats what the Bible is telling us ,and we know that Bible is symbolic and everything to be understood, must be not only read ,we can’t read the Bible and take it as it is , everything has its meaning . I feel like many people would benefit from actually understanding what Bible is trying to deliver in order for us to live the life ,we all dream of .