Healing

Welcome back dear fellow bloggers and anyone who will come across this post.

It has been truly a long and bumpy ride , I have taken myself on , but with true honesty it has been the best thing that could have ever happen to me .

As I have mentioned in the last post , I have found my person … I am still quite shocked how in a such a short period , you can become so close to another human being , how everything can change literally overnight, but more about this maybe another time as today I have something else id love to write about and hopefully ,gain some more insight of what you think and how you see the stuff which I am going to elaborate on in this post .

So lets start from the beginning

I have been in few relationships myself , I cant tell that they were bad , they certainly were in my life for a reason , sometimes them reasons don’t seem too obvious for us and usually it is because , we don’t see ourselves exactly as we are . Quite often we are portraying ourselves as someone we want to be , however yet we are not .

Not to say it is right or wrong , obviously it is a matter of discussion and/or opinion ,which we all tend to have and which of course will differ ,depending on our life experience and how much we are allowing to heal our mind, body and soul , but let me introduce you to the ways I seen relationships as . Yes ways , because just two months ago I have had a completely different outlook on what being in a relationship is to what I think I feel now .

First comes the child , you know , the one who throw a tantrum every single time something doesn’t go its way ? yeah it was me , in the past ,why was that happening ? why was I so triggered by simple things , and by simple I really mean basics , for example when someone would not reply to me in the rightly manner (right only for me of course ) I would go mad , trust me , pure madness and I cant even blame this child (myself) for doing so , because I truly was acting out my childhood trauma , I wanted to feel heard and seen and all of that what child needs from their parents , yet how often it wasn’t reciprocated in my case. Of course I see where I went south and hurt not once but hundred of times someone I genuinely cared for , but the instinct of survival and proving myself that I am worth the time ,was so strong and clearly at the begging I haven’t seen it as an issue , if I have to be totally honest .

Some or rather all of my behaviours were very automatic , I knew I’m going insane ,in literal way but I thought it is normal way to express yourself and to simply get the things you want , while in all honesty it never worked quiet well for me , I would rather feel even more abandoned and lost than before but I never understood why it is happening.

Now comes the question , How important it is to heal your inner child before entering relationship?

The answer will not be linear ,just like the healing is not but I believe it is of huge importance , healing has completely changed the way i look at the relationship I have now and on the ones from the past .

Of course as you start the healing , you realise why you have been choosing people who would trigger you and offer you less than bare minimum as it is all rotted deep inside of us ,and sooner or later everyone will choose to heal ,so they can fully accept who they are and what they want from life .

So often we think love hurts , so we choose the hurtful experiences and partners who don’t seem to meet any of our needs , we try to give a lot in hope that we will be wanted , where in fact this behaviour has quite the opposite effect…

How often did you over give to someone who should get nothing out of you ?

How often did you blamed yourself for not being worthy of the love and affection of someone , who seemed like the love of your life ?

I believe we tend to delude ourselves with thinking , that we can change someone , where in fact the only person you should focus on changing is yourself , so you know and remember who you truly are , so you don’t settle for less than you deserve , so you don’t chase unfulfilling relationships, so you don’t get into relationship because you feel lonely .

Knowing who you truly are is a blessing and thankfully more people start to realise the importance of self love and self care , I dream of a world where people are as loving ,true and honest ,and stop putting the appearances of someone they are not …

To be continued ….

Honorata

Thursday Though

UK 
Trees 
Park 
Blogging

I have finished writing my book and as soon as that has happened, I realised that this book is just short cut of the story . I tried to hide most of the things and basically make it seem like it was all good and there is actually nothing wrong with what has happened etc .

There was so many eye opening things, and the fact that I was trying to hide it , is even worse . I don’t plan to publish this version as it’s definitely not the story I’d like people to see. I want it to be raw and real , and exactly as it was , the the stuff that has happened and the issues, childhood trauma etc .

The book will be posted under pen name, i dont want to make anyone’s life hard whatsoever. I just want to put it out there without filter.

For others to know , they not alone . That society is what it is . For others to realise that everyone can heal as long as there is a will to do it. That life is not happening against us . It teaches us everyday, and it is up from us, whether we will learn the lesson on the first time or maybe we will have to go through the same stuff 20 times during our life .

Hope you all have a wonderful day 😊